NOT a girl !!

I always knew.. that I wasn't just literate, I was educated. My belief was further reinforced by those whose degrees couldn't educate them.
 Sad, but true, that it is but a doctor that kills a baby .. it is but a cop who shamelessly plunges into dirt.. it is but a

My Alchemist

Sun,
Like an Alchemist,  
Shines upon my darker self,
Reflecting upon my bareness to me
Ever purging my dross from desire.

Plucking,
Often gently, sometimes rather crassly 
My blotched wings
Then, always
Caressing them with affectionate strokes.

Healing,
Often promptly,seldom delaying 
My appalling wounds 
Thus
Embalming them with soothing embrace

.........

Deeper shades of black

Falling, drowning, sinking, the gravity’s pull is heavy on me.. Suffocating   , gasping for breath, lungs shrinking, shooting ache in my chest, my heart thumps, the ribs break to accommodate for my expanding gasps for survival, the nerves of my brain making unusually greater efforts to focus. The neurons race through trying to interpret the command, figure out so as to what to focus on. Actually I am dying.

I wake up sans life each day and start my humdrum affairs with absolutely no sparks of vigor and life. Struggling to get up, dreading the thought of people’s eyes gleaming right onto my face, shying away from embracing the sun and putting up a poker face to fight my thoughts backwards. It has been so long that I have actually forgotten what it used to be back then. Then, when I had choices. Then, when I had passion. Then when I could love and caress. Then, when I fluttered with enthusiasm. Then, when I lived.

While traversing through the depths of my life, I believe I have lost myself to pain. Given myself to agony and succumbed to wrath. Life seems to have lost its way in the journey of expectations (yours and mine).

                                                But the point here is not in loosing myself but failing miserable in discovering myself, yet, again. People come and go, so do their manifestations. Do they really have the power to cause such huge havocs or we humans (sadist probably) refuse to come out of our comfort zone and the needles of sorrow constantly remind us of the pain and keeps us in a self pity mode. Is it so tough to break the shackles of sorrow and embrace the sun, love the winds and enjoy the rhythm of Mother Nature? Is it so tough to smile recollecting the little things which brought me contentment? Do I need all of that which the other person needs? Or do I simply need it because someone else has it? NO (With a capital N and a capital O). I need to look for (and find) happiness and contentment within myself. My inner self should be my sole reason for joy or vice-versa. I should be at peace with myself for the eternal search for peace lies in this simple belief.

Deep within; it should not be dark but an illumination reflecting my strength of character and perseverance of thoughts.

Dhaltay Rishtey

tu mujhse ab nazre chupane lagi hain,
    yeh baat ab kuch satane si lagi hain;

aankhon mein kayi baar dekha hai teri,
    ek kaanch ki deewar ke peechay ab jatane lagi hain;

honton par toh koi lafz nai sajaati hain,
     pal palkon se barish ki nami churane lagi hain;

dil ke toofaan mein beh jaane ko aatur,
     apni tanhaiyon mein gootay lagane lagi hain;

zindagi ki khj mein hum haath thame chale they,
      ab dareechon mein chup-chap akelay jaane lagi hain;

pathjhad aayega, chala jayega, maloom tha mujhko,
      aandhi pairon ke chaap chupa degi nahi lagta tha;


       dil se mita dun teri aawaz ki khanak bhi chahti hun,
par sune se aakash mein  aks ab dhoondne lagi hun;

       na hoti main, na dil nam gamgeen hi hota
na tu hoti aur na hi yeh duniya.
 

I slowly wither in thine arms

To 
You,

Well, the last time I checked you were still human, or perhaps the last time was long gone. ;)


From,
Me

Cast As Women

Born out of tear,
bred in ashes,
lived in agony,
finally dead in peace.

Yes, I am a girl; a daughter; a sister; a mother; a wife; a friend; and the goddess of abundance, wealth, prosperity.

Yet, I am killed to satisfy the greed for abundance, sat ablaze for wealth, and snatched away from the cradle of life before I can breathe prosperity in someone's life.


 

Teri khushbo ka patah karti hain,Mujhpay ehsaan hawa karti hain

Meri galiyon mein aa kar mujhsay who,

Kaano mein kuch toh kehti hain;

Tere aane ki aahat who mujhe,

Tere aane se pehlay deti hain;

Teri khusboo ka patah karti hain,

Mujhpay ehsaan hawa karti hain;

Jab kabhi yaad mein aankhen bhare,

Chajje se maine jhaka hain;

Tere muskuratey chehre ka bhi,

Toh yehi jhalak si deti hain;

Teri khusbhoo ka patah deti hain,

Mujhpay ehsaan hawa karti hain;

Teri  mefooz  saayein se alag,

Jab kabhi bhi khud ko paaya hain;

Yeh hawa hi hai jo mujhko,

apne aagosh mein bhar leti hain;

teri khushboo ka patah deti hain,

mujhpay ehsaan hawa karti hain;

rotaon ko jab main aksar,

karwatey badlati rehti hun;

teri  tarah hi mujhko,

thapkiyan hawa yeh deti hain;

Teri khushboo ka patah deti hain,

Mujhpar ehsaan hawa karti  hain;

Jab chaand ,chandni ke sang,

Meri tanhayi ke raag  gaata hain;

Us chaand ko apne aavaran mein,

Yeh hawa hi toh dhak leti hain;

Teri khusboo ka patah deti hain,

Mujhpar ehsaan hawa karti hain;