Falling, drowning,
sinking, the gravity’s pull is heavy on me.. Suffocating ,
gasping for breath, lungs shrinking, shooting ache in my chest, my heart
thumps, the ribs break to accommodate for my expanding gasps for survival, the nerves
of my brain making unusually greater efforts to focus. The neurons race through
trying to interpret the command, figure out so as to what to focus on. Actually
I am dying.
I wake up
sans life each day and start my humdrum affairs with absolutely no sparks of
vigor and life. Struggling to get up, dreading the thought of people’s eyes
gleaming right onto my face, shying away from embracing the sun and putting up
a poker face to fight my thoughts backwards. It has been so long that I have
actually forgotten what it used to be back then. Then, when I had choices.
Then, when I had passion. Then when I could love and caress. Then, when I
fluttered with enthusiasm. Then, when I lived.
While
traversing through the depths of my life, I believe I have lost myself to pain.
Given myself to agony and succumbed to wrath. Life seems to have lost its way
in the journey of expectations (yours and mine).
But
the point here is not in loosing myself but failing miserable in discovering myself,
yet, again. People come and go, so do their manifestations. Do they really have
the power to cause such huge havocs or we humans (sadist probably) refuse to
come out of our comfort zone and the needles of sorrow constantly remind us of
the pain and keeps us in a self pity mode. Is it so tough to break the shackles
of sorrow and embrace the sun, love the winds and enjoy the rhythm of Mother Nature?
Is it so tough to smile recollecting the little things which brought me
contentment? Do I need all of that which the other person needs? Or do I simply
need it because someone else has it? NO (With a capital N and a capital O). I
need to look for (and find) happiness and contentment within myself. My inner
self should be my sole reason for joy or vice-versa. I should be at peace with myself
for the eternal search for peace lies in this simple belief.
Deep within;
it should not be dark but an illumination reflecting my strength of character
and perseverance of thoughts.
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